Sunday 12 March 2017

How to win Fortuna POP! gig tickets

Rough Trade are offering a pair of tickets to the Fortuna POP! farewell gig to the person who (best, I presume) answers the question "Who's the best Fortuna POP! band & why?"

Let me help you here. I have form. Some years ago, Rough Trade were offering a bag to the person who best explained what records mean the most to them. Sean was desperate for the bag. Times were tough before the Pains Of Being Pure At Heart royalties came in.

Among my suggestions were "I'm on My Way" by Dean Parrish, because it was the traditional closing song at the Wigan Casino. And Fortuna POP!'s tagline is "more soul than the Wigan Casino". Which is a line from Bob's Brian Wilson's Bed. So I suggested that as well.

Sean won the bag. Did he thank me? Did he fuck.

Anyway, out of the same altruistic (mine, not Sean's) spirit, I've separated the FPOP! discography into bands who might help you win, and those who won't.

Oh, before you write your competition entry, remember that Sean's a sensitive boy. He blushes easily:
As the bass player in Airport Girl I find it difficult to be overly ethusive about our records in these mailouts. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I am virtually ego-less, possessing a sense of modesty similar to that of Mahatma Gandhi.
Bands you should write about for the competition
The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart
Allo Darlin'
Mark 700
The Butterflies Of Love
The Lucksmiths
The Mountain Movers
Let's Wrestle
Withered Hand
Mammoth Penguins

Retirement homes
(bands Sean gave the kiss of life to, sorry that image pains me too)
Comet Gain
Tender Trap
The Primitives

Band too early for the Luscious Jackson revival
Cannonball Jane (or how that Le Tigre comeback could have sounded better)

(file under whatever happened to)
Taking Pictures
Discordia (there were releases on other labels, should've have been bigger than DJ Shadow)
Mick Travis (they couldn't have been bigger than Tompaulin, but it was worth a try)
John Sims
Cinema Red and Blue
Karl Smith

Bands named after songs 
(It worked for Biff Bang Pow! but this isn't Creation)
September Girls
Cocoanut Groove

Also worked for Creation but not Fortuna POP!
Airport Girl - the label's Oasis. Two brothers...actually, it was really Rob Price who let Sean play the same bassline for every song at gigs; in the studio, Rob played the actual basslines.

Not really Fortuna POP! bands, they were on other labels (at least that's how I think of them don't @ me)
The Aislers Set (nothing not to love)
Spraydog (it seemed like every label had to release a record by them in the late 90s - they were good, but it was a long time ago)
Chain And The Gang
Crystal Stilts (that first album still sounds phenomenal)
Peter Astor
Club 8
The Pipettes
The Wave Pictures
Milky Wimpshake
The Proper Ornaments
The Ballet

Bidding war losses
(before Fortuna POP! upped their promotional and recording budgets, some bands fucked off after making brilliant debuts)
My Sad Captains

Bands stolen from other labels
(after Fortuna POP! had a promotional and recording budget)

Bands inherited from Track & Field
The Loves
Herman Dune
Darren Hayman
The Ladybug Transistor
Steven James Adams (sort of)

Bands I can't remember very well

Band with a drug dealer on speed dial* so all touring bands' favourite support act
The Chemistry Experiment (*allegedly - don't sue me, I know some of you are responsible parents with respectable jobs)

Darren Hayman bands
Darren Hayman & The Secondary Modern
Hayman, Watkins, Trout & Lee
Darren Hayman And Emma Kupa
Darren Hayman And The Long Parliament
Darren Hayman

The DIY years
(actually, any of these might win, they're current and fahionable and very good)
Joanna Gruesome
The Spook School
Evans The Death
Flowers (alright, Bernard Butler produced them, but they're noisy and I've run out of categories)

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